Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to sing a song entitled My Sweet Scotch Lassie from Glaskey Toon. I say, boys, will you play the music for me, will you? Come on then, me lads, join in.
You hear the bagpipes? I went up north for a holiday, a wee Scotch lassie came my way. I raised my hat and I said, good night, will you walk with me?
She said, all right. We found a cozy spot so nice, I kissed her once and she kissed me twice. She was lovely, she was grand.
I had a ticklish feeling around my heart each time I squeezed her hand. Soon I'm going to have a honeymoon with Bonnie Mary McIntyre, my lass from Glaskey Toon. She was lovely, she was a marvel, did you hear me say my lass from Glaskey Toon?
To have a honeymoon with Bonnie Mary McIntyre. I always laugh when I say Bonnie Mary McIntyre. We parted on the shore, amongst the heather we both went.
A lovely time together we spent. She sat down upon my knees, I gave her a cuddle and I gave her a squeeze. Mary said, oh, do keep still, will you?
No stop your tickling, Bill. She was lovely, she was grand. I had a ticklish feeling around my heart each time I squeezed her hand.
Soon I'm going to have a honeymoon with Bonnie Mary McIntyre, my lass from Glaskey Toon. You know, I always laugh when I think of Toon. We in England say town, but in Scotland they say Toon.
Do you remember Jean Jean from Aberdeen? And John gone put the trousers on. We say trousers.
Die, die little, die, die. They're playing good music, aren't they? No, they're all right.
Inside the parlour we both sat. We talked of this and we talked of that. Suddenly the gas went out.
I heard Bonnie Mary shout, have you got a penny to put in the slot? I said shut up, of course I've not. She was lovely, she was grand.
I had a ticklish feeling around my heart each time I squeezed her hand. Soon I'm going to have a honeymoon with Bonnie Mary McIntyre, my lass from Glaskey Toon. She was lovely.
Oh, hi. Scotch Haddix. Aberdeen Haddix.
Bonnie Mary McIntyre. Roll your R's. She was lovely.
She was grand. I had a ticklish feeling around my hair. Did you hear me say hair?
That's half. Only in Scotch you say hair. Ha, ha, ha.
Transcribed by AI from the recording above. These are noisy hundred-year-old cylinders, so expect misheard words and the occasional invented line — trust your ears over the text.
Audio public domain, courtesy of the UCSB Cylinder Audio Archive. Transcript CC BY 4.0. Free to reuse, including commercially, with credit.
Billy Williams 1878–1915
Born Richard Isaac Banks in Melbourne, Williams reached England in 1899 and became, in the years before the First World War, probably the most popular recording artist in the British Empire. From 1906 he was billed as “The Man in the Velvet Suit” and wore one on stage, coming off wringing wet each night. The song everyone knew him for was “When Father Papered the Parlour”. His career peaked around 1912, when he appeared in the first Royal Command Performance; he was taken ill late in 1914 and did not recover from surgery, dying in Sussex in March 1915 at the age of 37.
Written from Wikipedia. Corrections welcome.