When Father Said He'd Pay the Rent

Transcript

The house that we are living in, it's never cost a cent. Although Bart lived there twenty years, he's never paid the rent. But one day he told mother that he thought it time he did.

The shop so upset mother that she painted with the kids. The canary fell down off its perch and murmured goodbye hall. The pictures from the nails all slipped and tumbled off the wall.

The fire went out, the boiler burst, the dog refused to bark. And little Willie tried to eat the railings round the park. On the day that father said he'd pay the rent, the servant in his gut packed up and went.

All the children started crying and the tomcat lay down dying. On the day that father said he'd pay the rent. At last the landlord called, he always did it round our way.

And papa said, I'm glad you came, I'm going to pay today. Then the landlord took a shiver and he turned blue, green and red. The shock had been so much for him, the landlord dropped down dead.

The neighbours all came rushing out and shouted in one breath. Your father's silly honesty has caused that poor man's death. Two men in uniform marched off with papa in between.

If I lived to be a hundred I shall never forget the scene. On the day that father said he'd pay the rent, that night away asylum he was sent. For he's in a room that's battered, on the door these words are added, this is the man that said he'd pay the rent.

Aye, poor fella. Aye. Silly thing to do, you know.

I know him very well. Of course he's my father. I know.

What do you think about it, missus? I think it's a terrible thing, isn't it? Of course, as soon as I see the other cab come, I knew it was him, you know.

I knew it was all of him. Oh, aye. Ah, well.

Never mind. He's better off where he is. Go on, lads, play him off.

Transcribed by AI from the recording above. These are noisy hundred-year-old cylinders, so expect misheard words and the occasional invented line — trust your ears over the text.