No Wedding Bells for Me (comic song)

Transcript

No Wedding Bells for Me, sung by Bob Roberts, Edison Records. Fair woman's purse was built ad lib on some installment plan. Her main foundation was the rib of poor unlucky man.

Each man to get that rib of his must wed a maiden fair. But not for me, although there is a lot of ribs to spare. No wedding bells for me, I'm as happy as can be.

Let the others all take their ribs. As for me, I don't like spare ribs. Gee whiz, I'm glad I'm free.

No wedding bells for me. I thought one time I'd take a wife, but whose wife could I take? I loved a widow whom I brought to skate upon the lake.

To break the silence all in vain, I tried just once or twice. To break the news I tried again, and then I broke the ice. No wedding bells for me, I'm as happy as can be.

Tried to catch a grip and hollered. Caught the grip, pneumonia followed. Gee whiz, I'm glad I'm free.

No wedding bells for me. A friend said, Bob, come dine with me. My wife's a splendid cook.

When Mrs. Fowler saw me, she just gave his knobs a look. A dozen kids began to shout while at the table there.

Then baby took some sour sprouts and rubbed it in my hair. No wedding bells for me, I'm as happy as can be. Sent me not with trials married.

I'll not put a baby carriage. Gee whiz, I'm glad I'm free. No wedding bells for me.

Transcribed by AI from the recording above. These are noisy hundred-year-old cylinders, so expect misheard words and the occasional invented line — trust your ears over the text.