The Saftest O' the Family

Transcript

The Sarsaparilla Family, sung by Harry Lauder, Edison Records. You've maybe heard a lot about we silly Willy Winks. Pray a lot of folk that thinks they're very nice.

And they're very good at giving you a thing that you don't need. Especially what they call good advice. Yes, and all the boys that I play with try to make a fool of me.

They would make you think that two and two are three. But sometimes they get angry when I tell them to their face that I'm as big as them if they're as big as me. Yes, and the teacher said to me last Tuesday, says, hey, why was you not at the school yesterday, boy?

I said, because I wasn't at the school. That's the way that I wasn't at the school. He said, my mother was baking scones, yes, and there were currants in them.

And I couldn't get the basin to wash my face. That was the way that I wasn't at the school yesterday. I sure as day.

Yes, and another reason because I wasn't at the school was because I was eating plums. Yes, and I swallowed some of the stones that was in the plums. So I did.

And my mother gave me some castor oil. That was the way that I wasn't at the school yesterday. I am the softest of the family.

I am the simple Johnny Rock. For everything my mother blames me. And my father puts it on to me, I know.

Yes, I sure as day. Yes, and I wouldn't tell Lee. I'm going away home for my perch now.

Aye, so long. Good night.

Transcribed by AI from the recording above. These are noisy hundred-year-old cylinders, so expect misheard words and the occasional invented line — trust your ears over the text.